My Dad

So as of August 15th 2011 I am without an earthly father. Of course I really did not have one most of my life I mean he was living and breathing just not not with me. See my parents divorced when I was eight. It was not an easy thing to go through but we did. My brothers and sister and I.  So for most of my life I did not have an earthly father, but always had the heavenly one. Thank you God for that.

  Anyways I did have a line of communication with him until about a year or two ago. You know how life gets in the way and things and people get  words and thoughts mixed up and then your in the middle of it all. Well that happened to me and he stopped talking to me. He Even did not want to acknowledge that I was his Daughter. That really hurt. So now Iam left with this empty feeling and longing to recover the relationship we sort of had. I did not want him to die when we had not come to an understanding, yet that is exactly what happen. So now I have the Joy of never saying my peace and him saying he loved me one more time. I mean I know way down deep he did love me and whatever happened between the Sib's and him and myself was secondary to his love for me. But it did not feel like it.

  I went to the funeral in MI and never felt more alone and disconnected then I did when we got there.  I mean really we were not even in the obit. His real and biological children not included. I was told that is how he wanted it.  So sad..... That really hurt my family. I did manage to get in the eulogy and the car line from the funeral home to cemetery. But it was not extended to me I had to ask. So for pity's sake they let us. Just wanted to say Thank you for that. I know I sound bitter but really I am so hurt and angery. I guess I am in the anger stage right now. Not a fun place to be. Anyways I know life goes on and maybe he is in heaven and maybe he is NOT!!! I don't know. I do know it was his chice and he snubbed God along time ago. I do hope for his sake and mine that maybe at the very end he managed to get it right. But I won't know until I get to heaven. So far away yet so close. YEAH!!!

   Well that is my heart thus far on this subject. I am in the healing process and all.

   Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.    1 Peter 5; 7